As we have learned this year, holding your pee can kill you. I started thinking about this somewhere around the 150 minute mark of Pirates of the Caribbean and I realized I had made the mistake of ordering a large Diet Coke.
If I were to drop dead right now, could my estate sue Jerry Bruckenheimer? Because I couldn't feel my legs at that point. And my body was already weakened by the 140 minute runtime of Spiderman 3. Seriously, can't people just get to the point?
We're talking about a movie designed so the average third grader can competently fall along. There's no earthly reason the film should crack 2 hours. Hell, it's hard to justify a runtime of over 100 minutes. There's only so long I can be distracted by visual effects before I realize that the movie I'm watching sucks.
OK, if you're making The Godfather or your name is Martin Scorcese, take all the time you want. I'll sit through your two hours plus movie, and probably even enjoy it. But if the movie you've made is simply a vehicle to sell Happy Meals, I'm gonna have to ask that you tighten things up and quicken the pace. There is no earthly reason for that movie to last so long that I think I could actually perceive myself aging during it. When I stepped out of the theatre, I half expected to have missed a week of class. I thought maybe I had blacked out.
I hadn't. Instead, my ass had fallen asleep. The real trouble is, now I know it will be up all night.
3 comments:
Ditto.
Love,
Matt
So long. So very long. I don't know why they insist on trying to make the series into something so epic. I've long wanted them to dump the love storyline. I also want to know where the hell she was at the end because this is a point of some contention between Fiance and me. If you don't feel free to spoil, feel free to email me.
blah, blah, blah. I've seen the movie twice now, and I loved it. I don't mind long movies one bit, as long as they continue to keep me interested. You pay the same price for every movie, but you're getting more movie for your dollar than for, say, shrek 3, which was only 81 minutes and STILL felt way too long (and too derivative of the second one). If you're not digging all the piratey backstabbing and double-crossing and need to pee, then drop out in the middle and be back for the super-collossal ending that you know is coming. I like spending a lot of time at the theater, and the fact that epic movies are getting the running times necessary to tell the whole story nowadays makes me a very happy movie-goer.
Pirates was the movie of the summer for me so far. Can't wait for Transformers and Harry Potter, though they will have a hard time besting Pirates.
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