There’s been some questioning of my heritage recently, both on this blog and in class. Hell, just about everywhere. I am referring to this lie that I am a Yankee. First off, I don’t think Texans are in any position to judge Southerner/Yankee as they sort of break people up into the groups Texan and not Texan. And I am clearly not a Texan. Yankee is not default for every person not from Texas.
Seriously. Ask someone from South Carolina.
So here are my defenses of why I am not a Yankee:
- I was born and raised south of the Mason-Dixon Line. I have never lived north of the line. And, for the record, it is the border between Maryland and Pennsylvania. It is not, as most Texans believe, I-30.
- We have sweet potato pie with every major holiday dinner. Yankees don’t do that.
- Speaking of which, I know the difference between dinner and supper.
- There is a saying explaining why the children of Yankees living in the south are not Southerners: “If a cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn’t call them biscuits.” The inverse of this must also be true. My parents are both from Louisiana as is my whole family. I’m just saying, family ties count.
- I follow college football recruiting. And I know there are only three true sports: football, football recruiting, and spring football.
- I have a favorite Confederate general (Longstreet).
- I do not use the word “youse”. Ever.
- I can pronounce “pecan” properly. Have you ever heard a Yankee say pecan? It makes my ears bleed. PEE-kan. Gak! It’s pi-KAHN. I feel very strongly about this.
- I know the three kings of the South: Budweiser, Elvis, and Richard Petty.
- Sweet tea.
- I’m here, ain’t I?
9 comments:
You ommitted any reference to firearms. Yankee.
First, being "not from Texas" you would have no idea how Texans properly refer to people like you. I submit that one of the time honored and celebrated practice of those from this honorable and highest regarded State is to refer to all people "not from Texas" as Yankees. So quite contrary to your Texaslingo ignorant assertion that "Yankee is not the default," it IS the default. I once had a friend that referred to an ISREALI as a Yankee. No one blinked twice (except the Israeli chick who did not decide to sleep with him that night, nor give him her phone number). Texans are willing to forego even sex to see that the proper terminology is observed.
To preempt some responses I can foresee:
1) Yes, I'm aware that other states and even dictionaries from Cambridge and such (wherever the hell that is)have a definition of "Yankee" that is markedly less broad than the aforementioned. Those definitions don't really matter because they were not formulated by the collective minds of Texans. Therefore, they can't be correct.
2) While your "Southern knowledge" and proper pronunciation of key words is impressive, and your kind soul, good nature, and common sense has undoubtedly led you to this Great State, it really constitutes no evidence that you are not a Yankee spy (Yankees invented spying in the US, and you probably understand some of the tricks of the trade, i.e. doing your homework concerning your surroundings.
3) While your family may all be from our gracious neighbor to the East, long periods of residence in a Greater Yankee state (Maryland is included, though not as great as NY or Mass) will taint even the most stout-hearted of Texans (though we show an uncanny resilience to "Yankeeness").
4) You still talk a bit like a Yankee
5) All is not lost. You are slowly earning your "honorary Texan certificate." Then you can say whatever you want, as long as it is contrary to the efforts of Yankee spies.
Love,
Matt
...should I point out Matt's ignorance and poor reading skills, or do you wanna do it this time? Maybe we could just sing some Cajun at him?
How do you say the word "caramel"? That's important, too. /cringing over the nasty pee-can pronunciation
I still love you, and will vouch for your Southern blood, despite the fact that you chose college football over baseball.
Oh, and re. firearms: there is a big difference between Southern and redneck.
You think that coming to The South for college makes you less of a yank, yet you played lacrosse in college... the ultimate yankee sport. You just brought the north with you.
As a definite "Yankee" myself (being from NY) I can say that Baker is a Yankee. It takes one to know one after all. The Mason-Dixon is an outdated measure of the North/South boundary. As the population has moved south, so has the border. In fact anyone in northern Virginia and north is a Yankee, w/o dispute. Also note that Florida is clearly a "yankee" state, geographic location is not conclusive anymore. Many in Va. and NC could quite easily be classified as yankees, and often are by there neighbors to the South.
Let's look at some other evidence...
Your favorite pro sport = baseball, which everyone knows is not NASCAR or Football (the lacrosse has already been covered)
Southern ideology? no chance, again the guns omission, but there are other factors here too.
Baker my vote is that you are indeed a Yankee.
Shosh can defend you as much as she wants, (or lack of a defense?) but all it proves is a Yankee spy conspiracy.
Note: I believe I've falsly accused Shosh of being a Yankee before. I also believe I apologized. However, a non-Texan impeaching a Texan's opinion is an offense against the Republic punishable by "a punitive Yankee label." The only defense is for the non-Texan to admit that thier impeachment was mearly an ironic joke.
Love,
Matt
Oh, Matt. Believe whatever you want, dear boy -- you still need to learn to read more carefully before commenting on things. Note that my arguments tend to spark from your hasty conclusions based on misreadings.
I said I vouched for Steveo's heritage; I never offered a defense. As a good Southern girl, I'm opting to quietly drink my whiskey and shake my head while the silly boys poke each other with sticks.
Disclaimer: my earlier baseball comment refers to personal adoration of Steveo, and not the Yankeeness of any given sport. I am unnerved by the lacrosse, however. (You're not a Yank, love, but you may well be a biscuit.)
Mmmmm, bisquit
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