In order to show I'm a fair and reasonable guy, I will present the reasons I am a Yankee. First, I must object to Matt's definition of "Yankee" as "anyone not from Texas". Texas is barely a Southern state. Texas is its own unique entity, outside of the great Yankee/Southerner debate. For godsakes, Texas has a rivalry with Oklahoma, which is distinctly not Southern. I freely admit to not being Texan. Just because Matt is insane, it does not mean all non-Texans are Yankees. Once again, talk to someone from South Carolina. Or Georgia. Or Mississippi. Or, ya know, a state with an SEC school.
So, the facts supporting my Yankee-ness:
- I played lacrosse in college, a pretty damn Yankee sport. The only Yankee-ier sport is hockey, and, well, I played that too. Dammit.
- OK, the Mason-Dixon Line thing is sort of outdated. Northern Virginia is decidedly Yankee, as is Florida (which has apparently been conquered by Michigan). The Maryland eastern shore is very southern, but I'm not from there. Central Maryland kind of swings both ways.
- Philly cheesesteak subs. And decent pizza.
- My family always had sweet potato pie, but I don't eat it. I'm just not a fan.
- I have a complete inability to say "howdy". And I've tried.
- That baseball obsession. Baseball is sort of the college football of the Northeast. At least I hate the Yankees. And the Red Sox.
- I talk fast. And without a drawl. Very unsouthern.
- The Reverend's got a good point about the guns. I don't own a gun. I have never fired a gun. I don't hunt or fish, either. Actually, I'm about un-outdoorsy as they come.
- I don't know a thing about cars.
- The whole punk/indie rock thing is decidedly non-Southern. OK, there's Austin, but most bands I listen to do not hail from the South. I don't listen to country music.
- I'm not sure that I'm stayin'.
7 comments:
Your progenitors founded Birmingham. I think you get crazy indemnity for that one.
What about whiskey, fried chicken, and sundresses?
We can work on the howdy.
You're only 3/4 right about Florida. Northwest Florida is basically Lower Alabama (or L.A., if you're local) which isn't very complimentary other than that it's decidedly Sothern. After that whole "We can't vote thing," we even tried to secede and become Adirolf, but you can't go to war in flipflops which happen to be the only shoes available.
The lesson: Make sure you have depth in your shoe closet because some day you may need it.
Graham: I know you are all about the Kinky, but I don't think anyone wants to see Baker in a sundress.
I do appreciate a good bourbon. And who am I kidding? I'll drink a bad one.
And are you suggesting I would not look fetching in a sundress?
I don't think you have the walk for it. I think that with your loping gait you would find a sundress constricting.
I agree whole-heartedly with the ramblin' Texan. There is one point I would like to clarify. Someone who is born in Texas has to feel some sort of "attachment" to the State to retain their status as a Texan. This means that a Yank can't come down to Texas and have their baby so that the child gains Texan status. The kid will only be a Texan if they later esablish some sort of lasting ties to the State (i.e. go to college here, work here, or establish some sort of residency). At that point, their Texan status relates back to their birth.
We will work on the "Howdy," Baker. And if and when you decide to stay here, I'll buy you that mug and make it official. Just so you won't be embarrassed at Texan-only(no Yanks allowed) parties.
Love,
Matt
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