Saturday, April 21, 2007

Thank You For Smoking

One of the those things that is only entertaining because it's finals:

Ryan has decided to take up smoking. For no reason, he just decided it was time for him to pick up a bad habit. This was after deciding to start drinking earlier this quarter. I think the two sort of go hand in hand, but that's the old Philip Morris employee in me, despite the fact I've never smoked cigarette.*

Anyway, Matt thinks is a terrible decision. He's giving Ryan regular lectures on what a bad habit smoking is and how cigarettes are going to kill him. I throw in, "Face it. Cigarettes are cool." But that's the Philip Morris talking. Matt's gone as far as stealing Ryan's cigarettes to make sure he doesn't smoke them.

What makes this funny to me is that Matt smokes. A lot. In his kitchen, he has cartons of cigarettes lying around. Yet he's leading the campaign against Ryan smoking.

*NOTE FROM MANAGEMENT: Absolutely true. I have not smoked one single cigarette in my entire life. I'll smoke cigars on occasion, but I have never smoked a cigarette. And when I worked for Philip Morris, we got a free pack a day. My friends appreciated it, as I gave them out freely. So, it really is true. Drug dealers don't use their own product.

10 comments:

OsoDelSol said...

They gave out a free pack a day? That is crazy, hilarious, and terrible, all at the same time.

Anonymous said...

To give you non-smokers an idea, trying to quit smoking on any given day is like waking up and saying "I'll think I'll give up eating. Forever." I was recently told that this analogy is bad because giving up eating has negative physical effects, while giving up smoking has positive. All true, but far before your body uses up its fat stores and starts feeling the negative effects of not eating, your brain is screaming, "EAT SOMETHING OR I'M GOING TO KEEP SCREAMING LIKE THIS FOREVER!" Ya, it's kinda like that. Distracting, depressing, and a lot of other negative adjectives. So one that has picked up the addiction has to mentally and physically prepare themselves for the marathon that is quitting an addiction. I've set my date (after P.C.) and my back up date (after the Bar, a month after P.C.). And I'm in the process of training for the onslaught.

On to the topic of Ryan. He is NOT YET addicted. You don't have to quit an addiction if it's not there. He has the option of not starting. I feel very strongly that he shouldn't. It makes life a lot easier.

Love,
Matt

Anonymous said...

Um..I accidently cut of the first part of my post, so place this at the beginning of the 1:32:

Smoking is an addiction. I also like tobacco. I think it is one of those fine, acquired tastes (See wine, cheese, beer, thai food), and not everyone is forced, or will like it. Unfortunately, tobacco also has the horrible side effect of...um...to put it lightly...KILLING YOU! But, lots of things can kill you, and frankly, there are better reasons for not picking up the addiction. The short list is as follows:
1) After smoking, running becomes about 10 times more painful

2) Mornings are worse than they already are

3) Your lungs are always sore

4) You smell like a bar all the time

5) It is socially unacceptable (with certain caveats)

Now, why, all the non-smokers ask, haven't you given up this deadly, horrible, disgusting habit?
Answer: Um.....addiction.

Poseur said...

Philip Morris also owns Nabisco. Know what that meant? Free Oreos. And Nutter Butters (contrary to what Martin thinks, a Nutter Butter is a peanut butter sandwich cookie shaped like a peanut. A Nutty Bar is a Little Debbie snack with peanut butter on layers of wafers cover in chocolate. He does not believe me. People should trust me when it comes to snack foods).

Also, because I am a good friend, I have promised to keep a spare pack of cigs for Matt during PC. I give so much it hurts.

Praise the Highlander said...

Free stuff galore poseur. And you decided to do law school because?

Richard Pittman said...

Strangely, I don't think I ever knew you worked for Phillip Morris.

Anonymous said...

My non-smoking lesson...

My 8-year-old son (who does not smoke) had the following line from pitching on Saturday:

3 IP, 1 ER, 2 H, 6K

Unfortunately, he got the loss because the rest of his team (who are chain-smokers) could not muster one lousy run.

I hope this is a clear lesson learned for you young whipper snappers.

Richard Pittman said...

Harsh

Poseur said...

I like the Rev because he makes me feel whipper-snapperish.

And, Pitt. How could you not know I worked in the lobbyist office for Philip Morris? It was awesome! I even got protested!

Anonymous said...

They will forever be Nutty Buddies in my mind, sir. I don't care what you OR the box say.