We’re nearing in on April, which means Opening Day is right around the corner, otherwise known as the Day the Orioles Are Mathematically Eliminated. March is about the only time of year its good to be an O’s fan, because we can still have hope that the Yankees and Red Sox aren’t going to stomp out our ever-living guts. Maybe their teams will be in a bus accident. It could happen. So here is how a slightly delusional Oriole fan convinces himself that his team is not headed for its 10th straight losing season.
By the way, even the Royals have had a winning season in the past 10 years. God, we suck. The Royals have been more successful over the past ten years.
The Orioles have amassed about a hundred corner outfielders, they can’t all suck. See, positive attitude! Most teams put their best hitters in right field, 1st base, and left field. Mainly because defense at those positions doesn’t matter a whole lot. So, the Orioles have mastered the “can’t play defense” part of the equation while ignoring the “hitting” part. Markakis has a hammer lock on right field, and might actually be young and good, something pretty rare in the Yard. So, at the other two spots, the O’s need to find some combination of Jay Payton, Jeff Fiorentino, Aubrey Huff, Jay Gibbons, Kevin Millar, Val Majewski, Freddie Bynum, and Adam Stern. Payton will start the year on the DL. I don’t know what’s more disturbing: the fact our starting left fielder is already hurt or that Jay Payton was our starting left fielder. Clap louder! Think happy thoughts!
The O’s might actually have a decent rotation. I’m not asking for the world here, just the total absence of Sidney “You Fat Bastard” Ponson, Rodrigo “Not Another Hanging Curveball” Lopez, Bruce “I’m Not Going To Listen To Leo Mazzone Because I Know So Much About Pitching” Chen, and Russ “My ERA is 8.48. That’s right. Eight-point-four-eight.” Ortiz. I can’t even talk about Ponson without launching into a torrent of profanity. He took some potshots at O’s fans to the Minnesota media, saying we didn’t appreciate him. Gee, was it the three DUI’s or the time you punched out a cop or the two consecutive seasons with ERA’s above five or the stupid mullet or when your diet consisted of nothing but Twinkies and Yoo-Hoos? Take your pick. Sidney, our reasons for hating you are pretty damn good. But we’re bad fans because we booed your fat, overpaid, criminal, crappy pitching ass? You’re lucky a crazed fan didn’t beat you to death with a glazed ham. Good riddance.
On the plus side... Bedard is blossoming into a front-line starter, something the O's haven't had since Mussina hadn't sold his sold for a World Series ring (and didn't win one, causing me an endless amount of glee). If Cabrera could ever find the strike zone, his stuff is downright filthy. Loewen is one of the best pitching prospects in baseball, and I’m sick and tired of every other team calling up prospects who are immediately good while the O’s call up guys like Rocky Coppinger and John Parrish. Never heard of ‘em? My point exactly. Traschel is a decent innings eater and Jaret Wright salvaged his career once under Mazzone. Hey, it’s not the 1990s Braves, but its better than what we’ve had.
The middle defensive players are pretty damn good. Championship clubs usually are built with studs at the middle defense positions and filling in sluggers elsewhere. And the O’s are one of the best teams in baseball up the middle. Hernandez is a good catcher, Roberts is a terrific second baseman, Patterson is an above average centerfielder, and Tejada is a great shortstop. OK, the O’s have been bad at filling in the rest of the roster, but that’s a nice core up the middle. Patterson is the worst of the lot, and he’s coming off the best season of his career and is entering his Age 27 season when players tend to statistically peak. If he could learn that he doesn’t have to swing at those pitches a foot off the plate, he’d be an All-Star. Oh, and if he could hit left-handed pitching.
No one on the team out and out sucks. That’s progress. OK, Brandon Fahey has almost no business playing in the Majors, but he’s like the O’s tribute to David Eckstein. And he’s the utility infielder, so who cares? A lot of teams are sunk by not only playing, but starting absolutely worthless players (SEE the last nine Oriole seasons or the Astros this year). That’s not going to happen this year barring a lot of injuries.
Well, unless the bottom drops out on Melvin Mora, which will cause me considerable pain. Mora’s been about the only consistent bright spot for the Orioles over the past five years, but he’s getting long in the tooth and his production dropped off a cliff last season. The O’s responded by giving him a boatload of money and a longterm deal. Rationally, I know this is a stupid contract which is going to hang around the team’s neck like an albatross, but emotionally... Mora’s been a team guy. He’s played everywhere. He’s quietly gone about his job and played well. He is by far my favorite Oriole, and I’m not alone in thinking this. Please, Melvin. Don’t start to stink just yet.
The bullpen can’t suck as much as it did last year. The Orioles pen was rated by any measure as the worst bullpen in the league. So the brain trust fired pretty much every reliever not named Chris Ray and then threw an obscene amount of money at mediocre relievers like Danny Baez. Waste of resources? Surely. But when your relief is that bad, you overpay for mediocre relievers. But here's a disturbing thought, the Twins have perhaps the best bullpen in baseball and their entire relief corps will cost only slightly more than the services Danny Baez this season. Someone stab me with a pencil.
The Devil Rays still exist. The Rays are getting better, but they aren’t there yet. The O’s still have a lot of games against a terrible team to pad the ol’ won-loss record. Of course, Rays fans are saying the same thing about the O’s.
This analysis ignores the fact the Yankees and Red Sox are still in the division, but let’s work on baby steps. I’m trying to think positive. If everything breaks right, the O’s could be looking at 85 wins. That would be nice. I just want some hope.
My spirit gets crushed when the Birds take the field against Johan Santana and the Twins on Monday night in the Metrodome. That’ll go well. Keep a bottle of something handy, I’ll need it. Some teams break your heart, the O’s just break your liver.
Remember, this is me being positive. Wait 'til we start losing.
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