Last Acts of Law School

Packing up my life and moving to Dallas continues. Just a few more days until I go to the Big Moving Van in the Sky, and kiss off from the BLS. I cleaned out my locker today and took some really ugly clothes to Goodwill. All in all, a productive day. But before I go, I get to do my three last BLS acts.

ONE. Barrister one more time with Jerry. Jerry is just about the smartest person on the planet, and one of the nicest ones, too. We get to sit down a grill first years on con Law issues they don't understand, which will be great fun. It's one last chance to do something law school related with Jerry who I am proud to call a great friend. His friendship of me means one of two things: it means I'm am a pretty good guy to have someone so smart and decent who is willing to call me a friend OR it means Jerry is a terrible judge of character. We're leaning towards the latter.

TWO. Go to immunity day. Why the heck not? I'm not getting called on tomorrow. And hopefully we'll wander over to Scruffy's for one last hurrah at Scruffy's. Rumor has it, there is karaoke. I wouldn't know.

THREE. Get interviewed for a BLS promo video. Someone in the recruitment office had a sudden lapse of judgment and thought it would be a good idea to have someone talk to me and then get someone else to record it. and then possibly use part of the footage to convince people to come to Baylor. Really, who listens to me? I promised Becky I'd even shave, as I've been living out my unemployed hobo fantasies this week and I'm beginning to look like I live under a bridge.

Then it's Dallas, ho.

Brackets and Tree

Osler insinuated that I may be the Western Kentucky Hilltopper. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am moonlighting as the Stanford Tree. Unfortunately, I will start my job as a brand new baby attorney on Monday, so I must give up the duties of Tree-ness. Though the Tree is coming to Texas, so Longhorns beware. There is nothing scarier than a dancing tree.

Unlike Osler, my bracket looks great. I know, no one cares. Talking about your bracket is one step away from talking about your fantasy baseball team. There ought to be a law preventing public discussion of either. But, since that law does not exist yet, I will brag about still having all my Elite Eight teams left, plus I nailed both Siena and Villanova. Too bad that my Butler pick went down in flames. Stupid refs.

Too Much TV

I've watched a truly unhealthy amount of basketball this weekend. By Sunday afternoon, I thought I was gonna need those Clockwork Orange things on my eyeballs just to make it through UNC-Arkansas. I'm a trooper.

Hilltoppers!!!

Hide the children! Beware of the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers! Big Red is coming to celebrate! The best part of the toruney isn't last second shots or gambling on your bracket. It is goofy mascots. And by any measure, Western Kentucky has one of the goofiest mascots in the country.

Big D

Driving to Dallas in a monsoon was not fun, and there were actually times I thought I was going to die. Such is the way of the world. I didn't die, and I got to meet the new boss and find a new place to live. I am two weeks away from becoming a Dallas resident. Pretty cool.

However, today is my favorite day of the year. I will sit in a bar with tons of TV's and watch 16 basketball games, most of which involving teams I barely care about. Really, how awesome is the tourney? I will of course be passionately rooting for every double-digit seed, but especially UMBC (Go Retrievers!) and the B (Go Bears!).

Bears Dance

The Selection Committee made the B wait. And wait. And wait. But after they had their fun tormenting Baylor, revealing the Bears last (that's 65th of 65), the NCAA threw the Bears a bone by giving them a pretty darn good draw. Have you ever watched Big Ten basketball? It's like watching paint dry. Well, if the paint was getting fouled by some awkward post player. Purdue ain't that great, particularly for a sixth seed. Let's put it like this, Baylor will be the far more athletic team.

I'd rather have Baylor's draw than Texas A&M's. And A&M got a higher seed. But at least Baylor will have a puncher's chance in the second round against Xavier. If A&M gets past BYU in the first, they are going to get stomped by UCLA. So, all things considered, maybe it was a good thing A&M beat Baylor last week.

Spring Break

I am not dead. Despite what the people who left me 10 messages on my cellphone think. I was just in Houston without my cell or internet, enjoying life as a soon-to-be-employed attorney. Being in Houston reminded me why I'm happy to have a job in Dallas.

I also learned that it hurts when Random Drunk Guy punches you in the head.

Environmntalists Say You Are A Sinner

Before your gas up your SUV, beware that you are going to hell. Now, there's nothing the Catholics enjoy more than listing sins which are going to damn me to eternal torment, I know this from a lifetime of mass. So, using styrafoam and failing to throw out my fast food leftovers is yet another we add to the things I will not do. I mean, like I need another mark on my ledger.

Not to be outdone, the Baptists joined the failing to go green is a sin party. Because as long as people are getting sent to hell, the Baptists are so there and will not be outdone by anyone.

OK, everyone. Give a hoot, don't pollute.... or you are going to hell.

Black Shroud of Dorkiness

Dorks and geeks everywhere... today is a day of mourning. For today, Gary Gygax, High Lord of All Things Geeky, has died. As the creator of the oft-mocked and oft-imitated Dungeons and Dragons, he had a surprisingly large impact on our culture. Role playing games have reached a certain level of acceptance, and are among the most popular computer games (World of Warcraft). Hey, I freely admit to hanging out in a basement and rolling a 20-sided die. Mock if you will (and I'm sure you will), D&D was pretty fun.

In tribute, here's a link of Stephen Lynch singing an ode to the classic game:

Back to BLS

Not having a job has turned out to be surprisingly busy. Job interviews suck up a lot of my time, but the MPRE looms this weekend and I did manage to squeeze in a trip to the Baylor-Texas A&M riot, er, basketball game.

I also made my triumphant return to the BLS courtrooms, to help Matt judge mini direct and cross. As a rule, everyone was pretty good but still raw. And it's pretty cool to get to sit in there and see everyone's potential and realize that in a few months, they will probably reach it because, well, they won't have any choice. Say what you will about PC, it does make you accomplish things you didn't think you could. It's not a whole lot of fun, but getting to step back and see how much progress we have all made in just two quarters is pretty fun.

And no one got a memo. Making the courtroom 50% less evil.

Awful Injuries

Talk about burying the lede. In the ninth paragraph of a story on Soriano's broken finger, the Cubs official website unleashes this bewildering passage:

The Cubs have had a variety of injuries this spring. So far, infielder Mark DeRosa was hospitalized with an irregular heartbeat, pitcher Jose Ascanio had a bruised face after getting punched in a robbery attempt, and outfielder Felix Pie missed a couple of days early because of a twisted testicle.

This begs a few questions. One, how did Pie twist said testicle? Two, why isn't this a story in and of itself? You didn't think people would notice this sentence? Third, why does he insist that the pronounciation is "PEE-yay" instead of, well, "pie". Because I almost had a new favorite player.

The Real World Beckons

I never knew doing nothing could be so rewarding. Free time is the greatest gift the world could give me post-Bar, and I am gleefully wasting time. I wandered around the HEB for two hours just because, well, I had nowhere else to be.

Eventually I have to get one of those job things I've heard so much about. Actually, I had an interview this morning and I made the rounds trying to drum up leads. So now that I've spent a glorious weekend doing absolutely nothing, it's now time to join the real world. If you happen to be an employer, feel free to hire me.

Sample Questions

The Bar sucks. And it's because of questions which run something lime this:

The police execute a valid arrest warrant and detain Donny Defendant. They read him his Miranda warnings and begin questioning him. He is silent at first until the police officer beats in Defendant's head with a crowbar. Donny Defendant confesses to the crime.

Is the statement admissible?

a) No, because Defendant's confession is inadmissible hearsay.
b) No, because the crowbar was purchased through interstate commerce.
c) Yes, because he was read his Miranda rights and the interrogation was therefore valid.
d) Yes, because all criminal confessions are admissible. What are you, some sort of pinko criminal-lover? Answer (d), you sissy.

Then you start looking for option (e)

Oscars Hangover

I love the Oscars. I love them in all of their bloated, pretentious glory. When you open up your web browser and read the umpteenth article on How the Oscars Can Be Saved, which they have been running every year of my life, you start to believe that the Oscars need saving. And this was the lowest rated Oscar telecast ever, mainly because all of the Best Picture nominees grossed less than Spider-Man 3. On its opening weekend. (OK – a slight exaggeration. But if you take out Juno, it is a true statement).

And I’m really happy No Country For Old Men won. The Coens are by far my favorite directors, and I’m unwinding the day before the Bar by watching Blood Simple, their first movie, for about the one millionth time. But let’s face it, they don’t exactly get people running to the TV set. And they aren’t any better than they were two days ago.

The Academy has done much better in recent years of trying to award the best movie. This is an institution which never handed out a Best Director award to Kurosawa, Bergman, Hitchcock, or Kubrick. It’s the same body which honored Ordinary People over Raging Bull, Dances With Wolves over GoodFellas, and The Greatest Show On Earth over High Noon. Hey, it only took them 30 years to get around to honoring Scorcese. So at least they are trying, dipping into the indie films to flesh out the nominees. Even if they don’t let them win that often, at least they get invited to the party.

But what the Oscars need is to stop being ashamed of themselves. You know what? Be gaudy and tacky. Stop being ashamed of yourselves. Slap yourself on the back and just go for broke. Have twenty minute musical numbers. Wear outrageous clothes. And keep honoring good but not great movies. Because Hollywood is at its best when it goes overboard. Stop being humble. Be your self-congratulatory best. Or worst. And next year, give an Oscar to some actor turned director working on a vanity project instead of a master of the craft. It will be just like old times.

Failing that, let's just have more Gary Busey:

Last Thoughts Before A Three-Day Quiz

T-minus one day until the Bar exam. I wish I had something pithy or insightful to say, but I don't. More than anything, I'm really nervous. This is the biggest exam I will ever take, and I'd rather not have to take it twice. Right now, it all just seems like a form of hazing. Something that old lawyers make the newbies do to demonstrate how much we want to be a lawyer.

But I'm also really excited. And it's mainly for the same reasons. I'm about to take the Bar Exam. In two months or so, I'll get the results and then I will officially be a lawyer. How cool is that? I feel like I'm taking a step outside myself and looking at this kid who is about to be a lawyer, provided he passes. At many points in my life, that just never seemed possible. But here I am, right on the threshold of a new career and a new life.

Second chances happen. Hell, in my case, so do third and fourth chances. Five years ago, this didn't even seem remotely possible, but here I am. And all I can think of is a simple mantra: Don't blow it.

Terps v Chokies

Best Headline of the day:

Terps Gag, Hokies Puke

And they aren't kidding. Click on the link to see the Hokie blow chunks all over the court and then the noble efforts to celan up afterwards. Bonus points to the student section, which adjusted their "Fear the Turtle" signs to say "Fear the Mop". That's thinking on your feet, guys.

I Endorse Another Winner

TJ was named editor of Law Review! Now, I have no real interest in the inner politics of Law Review given that I am both graduated and never was on Law Review in the first place. But TJ's win was an experiement in the power of my endorsing skills.

In my time at the BLS, I was three for three on "official endorsements" on candidates for SBA. Using my name on your SBA advertising was like the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. Automatic win. So TJ took the extra step and tried to see if my powers extended not just to SBA but to Law Review elections.

It does. I take full credit for TJ's accomplishments.

Honoring Bad Presidents

Today is President's Day, the day we honor both George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. I went through a phase in college trying to prove Washington wasn't a great president, but that's just because I'm a jerk. These are two men who are actually worthy of their lofty reputations and are actually worthy of a holiday dedicated to half-price bedding. Strangley enough, today is also the anniversary of Jefferson Davis becoming president of the Confederacy. He has no holiday.

But how about our not so great presidents? Can we get a holiday for William Henry Harrison? He died only 31 days into office because he insisted on giving a long-winded speech during his inaguration, caught a cold, and died. He might be the only person to ever die for being boring.

Or Franklin Pierce? A guy described as "genuinely religious, loved his wife and reshaped himself so that he could adapt to her ways and show her true affection. He was one of the most popular men in New Hampshire, polite and thoughtful, easy and good at the political game, charming and fine and handsome." He is also generally regarded as a lousy president.

Or Warren G Harding? Another good man who made a lousy presidnet, he presided over an era of rampant corruption and soaring popularity. He summed up his own career honestly: "I am not fit for this office and never should have been here."

They can't all be on our money. But let's hear it for the guys who at least tried.

Not Relaxing

You know, I thought once you graduated, you'd have time to sit by the pool, drink pina coladas, and otherwise do nothing. Well, that is a big honkin' lie. Not only have I pretty much spent every waking hour of the past week simply studying for the Bar, apparently I'm getting dumber the more I study. My scores on the MBE are actually going down the more of them I take.

This can't be a good sign.

I'm thinking perhaps I should stop studying and should spend more time watching movies. Because that seems to be the only thing which causes my scores to go up. Hopefully, the Bar is easier the second time you take it.

Be My Valentine

Today is one of the greatest days on the calendar. A day in which love blooms and the impossible seems possible. You walk a little bit lighter in your step, armed with the happiness that goes with this day. Lovers dream and the rest of us think maybe this is the year in which the unrequited finally becomes requited.

That's right. Today, pitchers and catchers report. I couldn't be happier. Baseball is back.