Porn and Babies

There are many things I hate about flying: the banality of airports, going through security, the fear of plummeting to my death in a fiery mass of shrapnel, et cetera. But there are two things I hate most about travelling: porn and babies. One of these is self-explanatory, so I'll explain that first.

I was on the plane and they were closing all of the overhead compartments and no one was getting on, and it looked like I had hit the jackpot: absolutely no one was seated next to me. As soon as I had this thought, a couple appeared with baby in tow. Now, I don't begrudge people the right to travel with their baby*, I just don't want them to sit next to me. Which they did. And all things considered, the baby was well-behaved. It's just the impending time bomb of screaming and wailing that makes me uncomfortable.

OK, so everyone is with me. Now, what does porn have to do with travel irritation? I'm glad you asked, rhetorical device!

Airport bookstores have a limited amount of space for fairly obvious reasons. It's not like there can be the full Barnes and Noble magazine and book sections in there. Usually, I end up picking up a terrible book I regret buying almost immediately, but I also like to get a magazine. This is probably the only time I actually read Entertainment Weekly.

And whatever magazine you get, I'm pretty much fine with. There's a fairly limited selection, and most people stick with the choices of EW, People, Time, and Sports Illustrated. You know, the standards. But have you ever noticed that the store always uses some of its precious rack space to sell porn?

Now, I'm fairly apathetic towards porn. I don't buy it, but if it's your thing, knock yourself out. No skin off my nose. But here's the thing, it's an airport bookstore! People are picking up a magazine to pass time on their flight to Des Moines or whatever. There is limited space, yet these stores are carrying porn. Which leads me to the inevitable conclusion that people are buying it. At an airport bookstore. They aren't putting it on the racks for the hell of it.

Who the hell are these people? Have you ever met them? Because I've never been on a flight sitting next to a guy reading Penthouse. Obviously, someone is or they wouldn't have them on the racks, but who is such a compulsive aficionado of pornography they can't sit through a two hour flight without it? I'm absolutely baffled by this phenomenon.

It's because of these people I couldn't pick up a college football preview issue. I was hoping to pick one up before the flight. Instead, I ended up buying a terrible book about a serial killer.

*Ed Note - Not true. I do begrudge people the right to fly with their babies.