The Great Wall of China (China)
Chichen Itza (Mexico)
Christ Redeemer (Brazil)
Machu Picchu (Peru)
Petra (Jordan)
The Colloseum (Italy)
Taj Mahal (India)
Which, on the whole, is a pretty good list. I’d put the Eiffel Tower on there somehow because it really is an architectural marvel ,and we tend to be blasé about modern buildings even when they are rather cool. And maybe Stonehenge or Hagia Sophia have a case, but it’s a strong group that beat them out.
However, we here at Poseur HQ were lucky enough to get an interview with Angkor Wat, one of the disappointed finalists that just missed the cut.
Poseur HQ: Hey, thanks for joining us.
Angkor Wat: Pleasure to be here. Thanks for giving me an opportunity to speak about this injustice.
PHQ: Injustice? Isn’t that a little harsh?
AW: I’m the high point of Khmer architecture! I was both a Hindu and a Buddhist temple… who else can say that? Who else has been on the flag of their country? No one, that’s who. Have you seen the faces built into my walls? You have to admit, those things are cool.
PHQ: Indeed they are. But Easter Island has big heads, too. And they also failed to make the final Seven.
AW: You’re comparing me, a complex temple with an outer wall, an interior structure, and a separate temple to a bunch of heads lying around on some abandoned island? The heads is all Easter Island’s got. I’ve got the faces built into my very structure. They are just a feature of the greatness that is me. At Easter Island, the heads are the whole show.
PHQ: But it’s not like all of you is intact.
AW: I’m 900 years old, you punk. And 203 acres. You’re only 31 and 6’2” and pieces of you are already falling off. I could kick your ass.
PHQ: I’m sure you could, but I’m not a finalist for the Seven New Wonders.
AW: Damn right, you’re not. What about that joke in Peru, Machu Picchu? It’s just a bunch of ruins built into a mountain, and it made it to the final seven. Are you kidding me? I take dumps bigger than Machu Picchu.
PHQ: Well, it is built into the face of mountain, almost 2500 meters about sea level. And it’s in the Lost City of the Incas.
AW: Well, la tee da. No one lost Angkor Wat, I can tell you that. And I’m built into the Cambodia jungle. You think that’s easy access? I lived through Pol Pot.
PHQ: Well, the first westerner to see Angkor Wat did so in 1586, but Angkor Wat wasn’t a prominent site until the 19th Century.
AW: Yeah, and the sun rises and sets on the western world, right? While your ancestors were still living in huts and trying not to die from the Bubonic Plague, I was a complex city with redented towers and cruciform terraces.
PHQ: Well, there was Rome.
AW: Yeah, and the Colloseum makes the final seven? It’s a damned stadium. Why not just put the Rose Bowl on there and be done with it? Are you really trying to compare a stupid cylinder with some dirt in the middle to a holy shrine as gorgeous and complex as I?
PHQ: Well, the voters certainly did.
AW: Western bias. How many Cambodians do you think are on the internet? And India is busy stuffing the ballot box for the Taj Mahal.
PHQ: The Colloseum is the only European site to make the list. You can hardly claim a western bias there. And what’s your beef with the Taj Mahal?
AW: Actually, I take that back. The Taj Mahal and I go way back. Even if it is just a tomb while I’m the cradle of a whole civilization. But he’s got a better marketing agent than I do. And that’s the problem here. I knew I should have hired a publicist.
PHQ: You do have some pretty good press clippings. Here’s what Henri Mouhot said about you, “One of these temples—a rival to that of Solomon, and erected by some ancient Michelangelo—might take an honorable place beside our most beautiful buildings. It is grander than anything left to us by Greece or Rome, and presents a sad contrast to the state of barbarism in which the nation is now plunged.”
AW: See? Even when someone says something nice about me, they have to mention something bad. It all comes down to the rules of real estate: location, location, location.
PHQ: You do get a million international visitors per year.
AW: That’s a bad month at DisneyWorld. Speaking of which, do you think you could score me some tickets? I’ve always wanted to ride Space Mountain. Now that's a Modern Wonder.
PHQ: Well, thanks for your time Angkor Wat. Any parting words?
AW: Y’all suck. How did I lose to Mexico? But at least I punked the Statue of Liberty. I’m gonna go get a beer with the Acropolis and commiserate over what could have been. You think I’m ticked? Acropolis is downright despondent. He keeps going on about the old days. Yeesh.
8 comments:
Not only did you write an interview with an inanimate object (albeit a large one), which I just love, but you also made it really long.
Looks like I should share the cake with you. This may be evidence that you need it.
Freaking fantastic. It's the best thing I've read since your Tour coverage (which is better and more timely than ESPN's, and that's what you're stuck with if you don't get OLN or Versus or whatever the hell channel it is now...). Still, a nice distraction at work. You should talk to the octo-squid next week...
Cake is always appreciated. And I'm here to help everyone in their need of procrsatination headed to finals.
The Tour blog will keep chugging along. We've only just begun to mock David Millar. I'm afraid to make fun of McEwen for fear he might head butt me.
And the octosquid made fun of me in the comments. Which was inspired, by the way. So whoever did that... good job.
Jus for zee record - Eef, I could jzump off meself, I would! Eensted - I shall go for zee drinks avec le Stoneyhenge!
*Sneefle Sneefle*
Oi!
Let's get pissed!
"Alas, you ARE the greatest henge to have ever been built."
Love,
Matt
1. Interview with a building = fantabulous. Especially a bitchy building.
2. I refuse to comment on the whole "new seven wonders" thing because I think it's an effing crock. I can name you the original ones (MAGNIFICENT!) but refuse to commit these poseurs to memory. Nerdtastic Classical Studies majors, unite!
3. It's really hot outside. Gross.
Well played Poseur. I like people who have imaginary friends without a pulse.
. . .remember pet rocks?
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