Well, I drove 500 miles to Baton rouge to watch LSU blow a national title. That was fun. Not as much fun as driving 500 miles back.
We stopped in Lafayette on our ride down, about where we were about to be redirected an hour out of our way due to gas fires knocking out a bridge (got to love Louisiana). Lafayette's slogan is apparently "You Should Have Gone Before You Left." It was only a little after 11 PM when we stopped to get gas and make a much needed pit stop. But there was a sign taped to the gas station door which read:
"BATHROOM BROKEN. PLEASE USE THE PORT-A-POTTY AROUND BACK"
I'm not the snootiest guy on earth, so fine. I'll use the Port-A-Potty. Unfortunately, it had been raining all day, non stop, making for a delightful drive, and also creating what can only be described as a lake around the Port-A-Potty. Since I hadn't brought my rubber boots, we decided to go across the street to the fast food joint to use their restroom.
Wendy's? Closed.
Burger King? Closed.
Taco Bell? Closed. Sheesh, Taco Bell only gets business after 10 PM once people stop caring about the quality of the food they ingest. How can they close at 11?
So we stop again at an Exxon station at which the helpful employee gives us a bathroom key and tells us the bathroom is around back. Now, I've been in some disgusting bathrooms in my life, but I don't think I've ever been in one I've spent this much effort to find. The floor was literally covered in urine-soaked toilet paper which begs the question: did someone soak it the toilet paper in urine and THEN decorate the bathroom artfully with it, or did they add the toilet paper as an addition? Like the urine wasn't enough for the decor and they suddenly hit on the idea of then flinging toilet paper all over the place.
I walked out of there and looked at Jude and he said I was white as a sheet and just told him "Don't touch anything." When I finally arrived at my uncle's in Baton Rouge, I think I took a one hour shower to wash that place off of me.
Then LSU lost to friggin' Arkansas. At least Thanksgiving was fun.
3 comments:
More specifically, that is the slogan for I-10 while in Louisiana.
Best unspoken part of the story: Not in PC at the time.
The worst toilet I ever saw was on I-35 back in the '80s, at a Texaco station, somewhere near Fairfield, home of the the world's largest, most polluting coal-fired power plant. The floor was indescribly foul, in part because the toilet itself wasn't flush with the floor. But the capper came when I HAD to refresh one of my contact lenses because of the coal dust in the air. And I dropped it by the toilet.
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