Tuesday, May 07, 2013

The Get Out of Jail Free Card

The Posette had some sort of band concert this evening which means I was solely responsible for the LP's well-being and survival this evening. This, of course, makes everybody a little bit nervous as most people who know me are fairly surprised I haven't accidentally killed myself over the course of the last few decades. Adding the degree of difficulty of another human life just seems like a bit much.

But honestly, I like the Daddy/Daughter days, as it gives us an important opportunity to bond and form a strong, lasing relationship that will last us for the rest of our --- no, just kidding. I couldn't even type that without gut laughing. No, the best part about this is that I can use my child as an excuse to get out of things I do not want to do.

Look, I know the Posette and her fellow band directors work real hard. I know about their long hours and their commitment to their kids. It's inspiring. But I'm staring at an entire lifetime of middle school band concerts... A LIFETIME, people. Most people only have to endure middle school band concerts for a few years, and then their own children graduate. And here's the thing, your kids will get better, and you will notice. You can see the progression in their play as they advance through their education, as the result of their commitment and hard work. It's rewarding as a parent to see this progress. As the spouse of the band director, it is an endless repeat of the same damn thing, year in and year out.

Heck, I've only been doing it or a few years, and I would rather itemize the contents of my closet than attend another middle school concert. Especially one taught by her colleagues and not her. I can't even take pride in her accomplishments. Now, I will go. Without complaint, even. I am here to support, and I am nothing if not supportive. But now? Sorry. Baby.

It's like passing Go and collecting $200.

Do you know what you get to do when you pick up your kid from day care and it's just you two? Like, I'm the authority figure? Exactly. We get to play. OK, there's some dinner and some diaper changes in the middle of that, but mainly, it's playing with Captain Calamari or her Disney Princess castle.*

*I think mommy and daddy like the castle more than she does. To her, it's another toy, albeit a really cool one that plays music and has fascinating moving parts. Mommy likes it because she never had a dollhouse and Daddy likes it because there was "some assembly required" and he assembled it without major incident, much to everyone's surprise.

We get to play make-believe, watch some hockey, and dance to the Pixies. Then, her batteries run low and I have to get her ready for bed. Then it is my job -- my duty as a parent -- to read her a Dr. Seuss story and put her to bed. I mean, how cool is that?

Being the only responsible adult in the house, once she fell asleep, I did what any authority figure with no check on his power would do. I ate cookies, drank a beer, and watched playoff hockey. I looked at the clock and smiled.... the concert hadn't even started yet.

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