Thursday, May 09, 2013

The Floor/Ceiling Dilemma

First, let me state for the record that I do know that the attic floor cannot support my weight. I knew that two weeks ago, I knew that yesterday, and I certainly know it today. Nothing like a little bit of empirical evidence to confirm what you already knew.

OK, that disclosure out of the way, this bit of knowledge did not stop me from putting my foot through the attic floor of the house we are thinking about buying. It was during the home inspection, and the very friendly inspector took me up into the attic to look at all of those ducts and units that I pretend I understand. The planks of wood, surprisingly, were not perfectly even, which caused my brain to flip out. So, one turned ankle later, I was sticking my other leg out to support myself and.... well, you see where this is going.

My first thought was that I could just play this off. Hey, no one is going to notice that my entire leg is sticking through the 2nd floor ceiling of the house. And it's not like I'm up to my waist in insulation or anything.

My second thought was actually a good one. Lay down, don't move, and let's assess the situation. It is this moment I would like to share. My personal self-assessment of the moment my leg was sticking through the ceiling:

1. Ow.

2. Let me repeat that, with emphasis, Ow! My knee is going to swell up to size of a watermelon. Let's see if I can bend it.... indeed I can. Sweet. Back? Still there. Other leg? Yup. Through the floor.

3. Hey, I can see downstairs through this hole. They can't be good.

4. Wow, that really is a lot insulation.

5. Now, is my leg through the ceiling or through a floor? Does an attic really have a floor if you can't touch it. When I call someone to fix this, I'm going to say that the ceiling has a hole in it, right? So I guess my leg is through a ceiling.

6. Hey, wait. I'm going to have to fix this. Crap. This isn't even my house yet. I wonder if this will show up on the inspector's report*

*It did not.

7. Does "you break it, you bought it" apply here?

8. Why is no one helping me? Wait. Did the Posette ditch me? There's certainly no one in the hallway because, well, I can see the hallway.

9. Well, we wanted to get rid of the popcorn ceiling anyway. so there's that.

10. Oh, God. I'm going to have to say it, aren't I?

"Ummm... a little help. I've fallen and I can't get up."

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