Silly Hats Are Functional

Prof PC III made fun of my hat. In fact, he's made fun of it on two separate occasions. He even laughed at me before class one day as I ran to my car. I'm glad to be a source of amusement, and hope it will translate into a passing grade in his class.

The hat looks a little like this:

So let me defend my hat. First off, you lose most of your body heat through the top of your head. It's more important to have a good hat than even a warm jacket. And it's been freezing outside, so having a good warm hat has really come in handy. Secondly, my ears get cold. So ear flaps come in handy. The hat is functional, I swear. It is one damn fine hat.

OK, it is a bit silly looking.

Sign On The Dotted Line

College football recruiting makes me feel sort of dirty. It's a creepy business, and it's all so shady that I'd just rather not think about it. All of those kids who are going to sign with my school are doing so because of a deep love of my alma mater. Right? Right?

Anyway, the NCAA pretty heavily regulates recruiting, but it doesn't do a good job because everyone agrees it is an icky business. And how do you make something as seedy as recruiting not seedy? It's like outlawing jealousy.

Which is why I've always sort of admired Florida' Urban Meyer, who throws himself into the loopholes of recruiting with reckless abandon. Rules against phone calls? No problem. Send a whole bunch of text (now against the rules). Spurned by a guy with questionable academics? No problem. Alert the NCAA to the jump in his ACT scores so no one else can get him. But this is my favorite...

Meyer is now recruiting girlfriends. He found a scholarship in gymnastics to a recruit's girlfriend in the hopes he would follow his true love to school. While it might be against the rules, it is pretty brilliant.

Killing Smurfs

I know I've posted this before, but I really do get a perverse kick out of the Smurf village being bombed into submission. Do not mess with Gargamel or he will bomb you back to the stone age.



I enjoy that WAY too much. Now, if we could only figure out how to wipe out the Snorks.

Download This Post!

I don't download music or movies on the internet. I never really have, but I've never really understood the entertainment industry's hardline stance on it, which mainly meant they were suing their own customers. And they blamed any dip in sales on downloads instead of trying to incorporate the internet into their business model or maybe realizing they've been putting out substandard fare. The MPAA used to claim television was gonna kill the movie industry as well, a now absurd claim.

And the reason I don't believe anything the MPAA says is because of things like this:

The MPAA has said that college students account for more than 40% of the movie industry's losses due to piracy. This week, the Associated Press reported that the association's math was wrong.

The MPAA now says that college student account for about 15% of illegal downloads and the group attributed the higher figure to human error. The MPAA is one of two groups to blame college students for increases in piracy and loss of revenue. The Recording Industry Association of America also has targeted college campuses, claiming they are responsible for much of the peer-to-peer file-sharing that has cut into profits for record companies and artists.

15% is still significant, but I don't even believe that number either. Particularly since "human error" lead to that number more than doubling in their original estimate. Here's a tip to future lobbying efforts: don't lie to us. Credibility, once lost, is difficult to ever regain. Something about crying wolf.

How come music and movies are the only two industries LOSING money on the internet? Doesn't that say more about their business models than the evil consumers ruining their bottom lines?

Nearing the end

7 days of classes and 3 finals left. It's a wierd feeling to be almost done with this place. I feel like one of the walking dead. I'm not happy or euphoric, just exhausted. There's still finals to be taken, a Bar to pass, not to mention all of the studying in the meantime.

But there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. i'm hoping that's not God calling me home. Because it sort of feels like it.

Football, Unemployment, and Hypothermia

I'll be honest, i didn't really care who won the Giants-Packers game yesterday. I guess I went into the game rooting for the Packers, but as things went on, I couldn't really bring myself to care. So when Lawrence Tynes stepped up in overtime to kick a 47-yard field goal, I had to root for him because, in the end, it meant more to him than anyone else.

Kickers are the NFL version of a fungible good. Pretty much every NFL kicker will hit 85 percent of his kicks, while a great kicker will 90 percent. Which, over the course of a season, is one or two extra field goals. A bad kicker will hit 80 percent of his kicks and end up unemployed. The line between being great and bagging groceries at the Piggly Wiggly is razor thin. So when a kicker misses not one, not two, but THREE crucial kicks in one game, you can bet even money that he won't even be on the team charter home. And that no other team will bother to pick him up.

If Tynes had missed that kick, he would not only be out of a job... his career would essentially be over. Considering the average kicker makes about a half of a million dollars each year, and Tynes probably could continue to toil in anonymity for another four years or so, it's not much of a reach to say the kick was worth about two million dollars to him. And frankly, I'd hate to see a guy lose two million dollars because he couldn't kick a frozen solid football over forty yards in a swirling wind. He could have had one of the worst professional days ever. And I didn't really want to watch a guy's career end on national television. so I'm happy for the guy.

Instead, the big losers of the day are these three girls.


Woo hoo! Frostbite is so much cooler when you make it on TV! Who else thinks these girls are currently in the Green Bay hospital receiving intravenous fluids to recuperate from hypothermia?

Woo Hoo!

Big Trial is over. We lost. This image still conveys my feelings:

I actually slept last night. I forgot how awesome sleep is. I'm actually gonna watch TV tonight. I remember TV being really cool.

See below for the post you missed that i would've written on Monday had Big Trial not ruined my life.

Pretend It Is Monday

On request by a loyal reader who knows of my deep and abiding hatred of the Colts, I shall now laugh with maniacal glee over their defeat this weekend. I’ve been unable to get to this because, well, Big Trial is sort of all-consuming. So pretend I wrote this on Monday.
I hate Bob Irsay, the owner who moved the Colts, with the passion of a thousand burning suns. When asked why, the answer is always the same, “He ruined my childhood.” Which is an exaggeration of course, but when the Colts left town, I was eight years old and I cried like, well, an eight-year old who just had his favorite team stolen in the middle of the night. I still won’t use Mayflower moving trucks. Imagine if the Cowboys moved. Same thing.

Then again, hating Bob Irsay is eminently reasonable. It seems silly to have a grudge against a guy who I never met and isn’t even alive anymore, but sports fandom is pretty silly anyway. Any time I’m feeling blue, I read a particularly savage Sports Illustrated piece from the mid-1980s on Irsay. I swear to God, I am not making any of these quotes up:

Pat Bernstein, the spokesperson for the Mayor of Baltimore William Donald Schaefer: “I don't think you ever get over betrayal like that. The presumption was always that the mayor was dealing with somebody who had some scruples.”

Robert Goldy, an attorney for one of the many coaches Irsay fired: “They [said we] would like the separation to be on a fair, dignified and gentlemanly basis. Their definition of those words is a puzzle to me. Maybe we don't read the same dictionary.”

Bert Jones, the star quarterback: “He lied and he cheated and he was rude and he was crude and he was Bob Irsay. He doesn't have any morals. It's a sad state for the NFL to be associated with him, but beyond that I've removed him from my mind.”

Mike McCormick, a former coach under Irsay: “Those were the two most unpleasant years of my life and I really don't care to comment further on it.”

OK, but those people were all burned by him professionally. Maybe they’re just bitter. How about his family?

Ronald Irsay, his brother: “I don't know how else to say this, but my brother tried to run my father out of business. Bob actually worked to try to destroy his own father. Oh, he's a real sweetheart, all right.”

Harriet Irsay, his wife of 39 years before filing for divorce: “Between his power and his drinking, he just became obnoxious.”

Elaine Irsay, his mother: ''He's a devil on earth, that one. He stole all our money and said goodbye. He don't care for me. I don't even see him for 35 years. My husband, Charles, sent him to college. I made his wedding. Five thousand dollars, it cost us. When my husband got sick and got the heart attack, he [Bob] took advantage. He was no good. He was a bad boy. I don't want to talk about him.''

Thank you, San Diego Chargers. You made my week.

Puppies Are Cute

This is the week of Big Trial. So, like most PC students, I am extraordinarily cranky and sleep-deprived this week. Please do not tap on the glass.

I have to judge on Tuesday, do trial on Wednesday, sit on a jury on Thursday, and then witness for Titanic on Friday. All on top of class and studying for the Bar. I may be a little stressed right now, so proceed with caution. I also am not likely to be updating much this week.

So, take this time to look at some puppies.

Sir Edmund Hillary Was Really Cool

Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to climb Mount Everest, died today. I use this as an excuse to link to the Times of London calling the rest of us a bunch of ninnies:

“The mountain is littered with aluminium ladders and thousands of feet of fixed rope,” he wrote. “Deep tracks are beaten up the mountain by dozens of eager feet. Even on Hillary Step near the summit there is usually a choice of three ropes to ascend.”

I think he's calling modern mountain climbers are bunch of sissies. That's right at you, Prof. Contracts. Of course, I'm such a sissy, I don't even climb the big rock at the Slick. Heck, I get dizzy just going to third floor of the BLS. Heights are bad. It's not that heights frighten me, it's falling from them that scares me.

Beauty Queens Go Bad

Law Student Traumatized? Really, how about the ex-boyfriend?

"I mean she has never had a problem with the law," her mother, Valerie Fulbright, said. "This whole ordeal has been traumatizing for her."

Police believe 25-year-old Kumari and three accomplices lured former boyfriend 24-year-old Joshua Conway into her home, where they allegedly held him at gunpoint for nearly 10 hours. Conway claims he was bound and tortured while a knife was in his ear.

I mean, talk about a misleading headline. Who cares about the guy bound up for 10 hours with a knife to his ear? There's a former beauty queen and law student who feels upset by the fact her alleged scheme to torture her ex has been uncovered! I feel really bad for her. She must be going through a living hell right now.

Yeesh. How about this for an idea? How about we feel for the trauma of crime victims and not their perpetrators? Because I'm feeling a little difficulty mustering up sympathy for the feelings of someone who could abduct someone by gunpoint. But maybe I'm just too cold-hearted.

Fear the Hat

Don't mind me... LSU fan gushing over his coach, who has been ridiculed all season long as not very good. Well, Miles has a big trophy that says otherwise:

34-6 = The Hat's Overall Record at LSU
19-5 = The Hat's SEC regular season record
15-5 = The Hat's record against Top 25 teams
13-4 = The Hat's record against Top 15 teams
7-3 = The Hat's record against Top 10 teams
3-0 = The Hat's Bowl Record
19-2 = The Hat's Home record
11-1 = The Hat's record in November
11-3 = The Hat's road record
4-1 = The Hat's record after November
2-0 = The Hat's record in BCS Bowls


2 SEC West Titles
1 SEC Championship
1 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Oh, yeah.... and LSU is the first team to win two BCS titles. Suck it, USC.

Game Day!

I wanted to write a post on hating Ohio State today since today is game day. But honestly, I have no beef with the Buckeyes, even if their mascot is a nut. I like the Sweater Vest even. So you're not gonna hear me say something like there is no such thing as Ohio culture, and since our head coach is from Ohio, he had the good sense to go to school in Michigan and coach at LSU. Because that would be uncalled for. There will also be no references to OSU as "Slowhio" due to their perceived lack of speed. I will also not make fun their immobile quarterback, Todd Boeckmann, who may spend tomorrow night enjoying Louisiana medical care after Glenn Dorsey hits him so hard that he recovers memories from childhood. I also certainly will not make a below the belt cheap shot about Ohio State's 0-for-forever bowl record versus SEC teams.

Because I'm above things like that. May the better team win (READ AS: LSU).

GEAUX TIGERS!!!

The Death Knell

I'm a fan of horror movies. and not just any horror movies, but I also enjoy BAD horror movies. I've seen all three Leprechaun films, okay? So I know there's a certain arc to the death throes of a once-proud franchise. There's the one sequel too many, followed by the misguided cross-over movie, and then, only every once in a blue moon, the comedy. It's kind of sad to watch, but most horror franchise die in some terrible movie with D-list actors and the word "Versus" in the title.

Which, of course, bring me to Alien v. Predator 2. I haven't seen, nor do I really have plans to, but Matt saw it yesterday, prompting the rest of us to pop in the original. And it struck me that this was the one horror movie that deserved a better fate. Mainly because it was always more than just a horror movie. It was an actual movie, with plot and characters and all of that other stuff that so rarely gets used in movies anymore. The famed chest bursting scene doesn't take place until the movie is almost at the one hour mark. You don't see the Alien until about twenty minutes after that, when Harry Dean Stanton is taking one for the team. The Alien is probably only on screen for five minutes total, and that's pushing it. The movie was more about the interaction of seven people stuck in the middle of the nowhere.

But the franchise ends up the same way as Jason, Freddy, the Wolfman, and Dracula. Slumming it in some lame movie slapped together in a weekend which just seems like an excuse to make a video game. That's sort of sad. Good thing this doesn't happen to movies like Casablanca. Though I would like to see Rick take on Atticus Finch.

Tearful Farewells

Well, I'm back in the land of computer access after a blissful holiday spent doing holiday things like Midnight Mass, hanging out with a family full of Davids, and roasting chestnuts and all that.

My mom ruined a perfectly idyllic moment as I was headed to the airport. cut to the scene:

ME: I love you, Mom.
MOM: I love you, David.
ME: I'm not David.

I wasn't upset though. My mom has a husband named David and a child named David. She was just being a good gambler and playing the percentages.

Feliz Navidad!

As my family sleeps in on this Christmas this year, since I am the youngest person in the house and we went to Midnight Mass, I am left to sit online and rate the gifts Santa left in my stocking this year.

A PASSING GRADE IN PC. Santa, you really shouldn’t have. It even looked all shiny and new under the tree. I will love it and hug it and name it George.

A “GUMMI BEAR” REPLICA STATUE. Have you ever walked past the big green monstrosity in front of the building and thought to yourself, “I wish that came in a smaller size which I could use as a paperweight?” Well, now I can spend hours trying to decipher the markings in the bear’s body. I think it’s an old Sicilian message: Luca Brazi sleeps with the fishes.

BLS PROFESSOR BOBBLEHEADS. Prof. Evidence in a three-piece suit and sporting a pocket watch. Prof. CivPro, pre-facial hair. And the retro Prof. Contracts, already poised to throw me out of class. Not a bad a haul. And I can ask them legal questions and, for the first time, have them agree with me.

THE MATT ACOSTA DO-IT-YOURSELF LAW MEMO KIT. Sponsored by Poseur HQ’s favorite PC partner, just insert a memo topic, what law to apply, and presto! The Law Memo Kit will spit out a four-page, properly cited legal memo. Perfect for when you get thrown out of class for not having read the 20-page dissent.

AN OSLER CHRISTMAS CD. Actually, this one is true. Boy, does he hate the Chipmunks. But a very cool gift.

AN EMPTY DIPLOMA FRAME. One month away, right? No pressure.

THE ANSWERS TO THE TEXAS BAR. Thanks to for breaking into the State Bar offices and stealing the answer key. I now feel like I’ve wasted that money on BarBri*.

*Dear Intent to Study Law People – This is a joke. I do not have the answer key. Please do not revoke my permission to take the Bar. I promise not to make fun of the Bar exam in the future.

PS – BarBri is SO worth the money. Thank you for selling it to me, Trevor.

When The Weather Outside Is Frightful

It's 32 degrees outside and the clouds are co-operating by giving us precipitation. But it is raining. RAIN?! Hasn't anyone heard of a White Christmas? No one dreams of a soggy Christmas. Come on, God. Get your act together and give us some good old fashioned snow for the holidays. That is, if you're not too busy trying to work out that peace on earth thing. If you are, no biggee. I'll carry an umbrella.

Bowl Games!

Some people think there are too many Bowl Games. These people are no fun, and probably cheer for Mr. Potter in It's A wonderful Life. Because I love lots of meaningless football games.

Last night, things kicked off with the Poinsetta Bowl in which Utah barely beat Navy in what was an incredibly exiciting game. The game was notable for several reasons:

1. There was a key call in the game which went against the Naval Academy. After the game, the referees apologized for messing up the call and essentially making Utah win. Which proves that referees hate America. They screwed over the Naval Academy. I hope they are happy.

2. The game is called the Poinsetta Bowl. A poinsetta is a flower. There is a football game named after a flower. I think that is awesome.

3. Navy's quarterback is named Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada. Hawaii's quarterback, by the way, is Colt Brennan, which sounds Texan. This is not right. At least Texas' QB is Colt McCoy, which is arguably the most Texan name ever.

Playing Movie Critic

I finally got around to seeing No Country for Old Men, the most recent Coen Brothers movie. It's been praised to high heavens, and it is a really good movie, but it is hard movie to love. Which is odd, since I absolutely love the Coen Brothers and find their movies, if anything, too lovable. But they made a movie that can be parsed and analyzed until kingdom come, which, let's face it, is entirely up my alley. If anything, I like to over analyze my movies, TV, and music.

The Coens are the greatest thing to ever come out of Texas (Matt Acosta is a close second). And looking at their career, it's pretty damn amazing. They've won at Sundance (Blood Simple), Cannes (Barton Fink), and the Oscars (Fargo). And just about everything in between. they've made two undeniable cult classics (Big Lebowski and O Brother Where Art Thou?) and what I personally believe is the funniest movie ever made (Raising Arizona). Heck, and that's not even mentioning Miller's Crossing.

So they are finally getting their due as perhaps the greatest directors on the planet. Most people are lucky to make one great movie. Hell, look at Coppola, he made The Godfather and the rest of his career is pretty darn mediocre. It's like he had this one great thing and once he was done, that was pretty much it. OK, Scorcese is still cranking out the movies, but how much of his rep is tied to just always getting the best actors in the world to work for him? Who can't make Robert DiNiro look good? The Coens greatest movie might still be their first, Blood Simple, and the big star in that is Dan Hedeya who is best known for being the dad in Clueless. No Country's big star is Tommy Lee Jones, but the guy who dominates the screen is Javier Bardem, and you've never heard of him.

Is it their best movie? I don't think so. It would be most people's best, but it runs against some stiff competition here. But I'd like to see it when the Oscar anyway, just for lifetime achievement. Because no one makes better movies than the Coens.

Infected With Christmas Spirit

Important Rule of Thumb:

You are never too busy to watch a bunch of little kids sing Christmas songs. That was really cool today, and thanks to everyone responsible for bringing in the Sol Ros choir to sing to us. I was wearing a grin from ear to ear, and now find it absolutely impossible to shake the Christmas spirit.

There was singing, dancing, musical solos, and even a pinata. They even sang a song telling us they thought we were cool. Which is patently untrue in my case, but I'm sure there are some cool law students and they were probably singing to them. I had a blast.